I am "pre testing" in just over a week!!!

Ok I am going to Billings on the 12th of March and on the 13th I am PRE testing for my 2nd Dan blackbelt..... Holy shit I am freaking out!! I am scared about how I will do before and after this test as far as my lung/chest is concerned. I am really frustrated right now b/c I know I won't perform as well as I would like too but hey this is my test in life right?? not being in control and having to deal with what I am given. I know that I have HUGE expecations for myself that probably are not "realistic". It is at these times that I resent my current condition and I know that by resenting who/what I am is really inhibiting me instead of spurring me on but I am not sure how to overcome it. I do not consider myself as someone that covets what others have but right now I can honestly say I do really wish I was like most people my own age. That I could be the athletic vigourous girl I was before but I am going to go and do the best with who and what I am and hope I don't push myself to hard and do to much damage.

Well 1 step forward and 2 steps back

So I have been in and out of the hospital since May 2008 with constant chest pains. Every time I have gone to the hospital it was in fear I had either another blood clot or worse fluid on my lung. Yes I know that a blood clot is WAY more serious than fluid on my lung but if you have ever had a needle put into your back then into your lung to drain fluid you would know what I mean it is AWFUL!!!

OK back on point... so the Dr's have never been able to give me a cause, or explanation for this severe pain except to call it "pleurisy" or "chest wall pain" which means "yes we know you are in pain but we cannot tell you how or why so here are some pain meds go sleep it off." Well by the end of January made another trip to the ER and I told the Dr. that if he told me I had "pleurisy" 1 more time I was gonna go ballistic (joking of course) so he referred me back to my lung Dr. I went to see Dr. Harris and she sent me to the cardio/thoracic surgeon, the same that had done my surgery after my clot and he was able to give me a diagnosis!! Finally after 8 months I had a REAL diagnosis. The scar tissue from the dead part of my lung and from the chest wall surgery had adhered together and THEN to my rib cage!!! This tissue is SOOO thick that the surgeon cannot even operate and remove the tissue and if I ever have to surgery on my lung they have to do it open chest. This 'condition' is called a scar tissue adhesion. This is why I cannot do push-ups, sit ups, jumping jacks and why sleeping was becoming VERY hard b/c no matter how I lay the scar tissue makes breathing painful. It makes SOOO much sense!!

So the only way to treat this is either continue on my path of narcotics and possibly end up on disability OR I can go to an anestesiologist and have a nerve in my back burned so that I cannot feel anything from my armpit to my waist. So on March 18th I am having this procedure done. I won't lie I am totally scared but compared to the constant pain and the emotional wreck I am while on narcotics it is the only option. The procedure is kinda like a permanent epideral but it will only affect my right rib cage. The procedure is a same day thing and I should be feeling better quickly.

The ONE brightside to this all is that this "adhesion" prevents me from developing fluid on my lung and from getting pnemonia! however, if I ever had another blood clot that caused an infarct I won't be able to feel it.

Once this procedure is done I will still have physical limitations... no running, exercise within my current limitations. But I won't be in constant pain. I will continue my Martial Arts training no matter what. I know my limits (for the most part) and I can work around them. Another good piece of news is that the surgeon was VERY impressed by the health of the lung that is still good!! and he attribuites it to the fact I am active! WOOHOO! so to those Dr's that think I should not train!! SUCK THAT hahaha!!

Ok this is WAAAAY long and I am going to bed. My meds have kicked in and the lights are starting to dim!

Love you all!

Samiee

Goals... well not a special one but one anyway

Ok so in 2006 I chopped off my hair and I have kept it short since. I came to the decision that I am going to grow it long again and then cut it off to donate it. I had extensions last year and it really made me miss my long long hair so we shall see if I actually do it. I figure this can be my way of "giving back" since my blood and organs are not useful to anyone... and hell barely useful to me! hahaha j/k so ya there is my "goal"

Where my thoughts are.....

So my sisters' youngest daughter ShayLee went in this morning to have an edoscopy done! they think this poor little thing has Celiac Disease and an ulcer! She is 6!!! Apparently right before Christmas the acid was so bad it was burning her throat and tongue! So my thoughts and prayers are with them today I hope they can find out what is going on and get it resolved so little Miss Shay can get back to being her sweet adorable happy self!!!

My sister called me a bit ago to let me know that they were on their way home and things went well! While ShayLee was in recovery she started wheezing and I guess that freaked out the nurse but it was just her asthma. Afterall the air quality right now is crap! The test results from the biopsy will be in next Wed. I talked to Shay and asked her if there was any treat she wanted and all she wanted was gum! How cute is that?? So I am going to visit her between jobs and taking her some gum!

La Villa

Ok so there was a time when we thought LaVilla was going to close but a miracle happened and we are open for business and doing great! Yes, things have changed but it is still the same place we know and love! This is a picture of Me, Tammi (a client/friend) and Nikki! Tammi's new do was inspired by both Nikki and me so we call it the "SMICKI" hahaha. I have decided the pink in my hair is a "quiet rebellion" against getting older. Yes, I know I am not "old" but I am not 21 anymore....... so ya the pink hair is here to stay.... for the time being! hahahahaha Love ME!

baby mama drama!!!!

OK no not REALLY baby mama drama... I kinda just like saying that hmm.. anyway so I have been feeling really crappy this week. Went to the ER Monday morning to make sure there was not fluid on my lung... and thankfully there wasn't! I just have another case of Pleurisy... blah! and it was prob brought on by the nasty inversion here in Ut. So my chest hurts, I am tired, and well ya that is it. I spent Monday and Tues in a drug induced sleep and today I am wishing I was still there. I went to bed early and everything! I didn't have an out of control weekend in anyway either no bars, clubs etc I went to Cher's Twilight party and home and saturday I worked then watched the UFC fights. Not exactly what you see socialites doing in OK magazine but it is enough of a life for me!! Just so frustrating..... bah humbug!!!!!!!

Family!!!!

As you know I LOVE my neices and nephew! They are so very important to me and I talk about them as though they are my own. (well they ARE) HarLee is 14 and in the 9th grade and it trips me out b/c she is such a smart loving young woman and I admire her for all of her sincere thoughts. Jade is 12 and is also a loving young man! He loves his little sisters, whether he admits it or not as well as his little cousin Aariel. Aariel pretty much has Jade wrapped around her cute little finger. AttaLee is 8 almost 9 and is the smart sassy girl we all knew she would be! she is full of personality! ShayLee Ann is our little sweetheart she is very loving and tender hearted, however if you mess with her siblings she is not afraid to tell you whats what! then there is our little Aariel. My brothers only child that is 21 months. She is full of spunk and independance and fits right into our little family. I love telling stories about "my kids" and I cherish all the time I get with each of them! I also count my friends kids as my other neices and nephews!